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Ask Basta

November 17, 2010

After three and a half years of fixing bikes in Chapel Hill, Back Alley Bikes has developed a surprisingly loyal fan base.  Is it our reasonable prices?  Our skilled mechanics?  Our sunny attitudes?  Nope.  It’s our shop dog, Basta.

Questions about Basta are at least as common as questions about bicycle malfunctions:

“Is he real?”

“Is he alive?”

“Why are his eyes so red?”

Like the truly wise being that he is, Basta has heretofore remained silent, gazing out upon the passing word, absorbing all that is, and humbly accepting the adoring praise of his legion of followers.

For years, questions posed to Basta about life, the universe, and bicycles have seemingly fallen on deaf ears, but no longer!

At long last, Basta is ready to reveal his great wisdom to the world.  All you have to do is ask.  It may be intimidating to pose what you may consider a trivial question to one of the greatest minds of our time, but I assure you that The Dog is listening without judgment.

Post your questions in the comments and they will be answered precisely when they should be answered.

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17 Comments leave one →
  1. November 17, 2010 12:17 pm

    Are boxers really the best breed in all of dogdom?

  2. November 17, 2010 12:57 pm

    Dear Basta,
    So, we all know you can lick your own testicles, but what is mystery to humans, given this gift, ne, miracle from the Deities, please share your personal strategy on how to actually stop doing so, get off the couch and lead a productive life.

    • November 17, 2010 1:11 pm

      Boxers do not concern themselves with your base human desires for “productivity”. One need but gaze upon the beatific glow of a boxer in the sunlight to fully realize all that is important in life. Please refrain from anthropomorphizing dogs.

      • Mike Holland permalink
        November 18, 2010 2:24 am

        Basta,

        Far from further anthropomorphizing dogs, which mankind has been successfully doing for over 50,000 years, or maybe dogs have been successfully canining men, the jury is still out on this [but another show like American Gladiator, say American Gladiator Reality Show, and we will know the outcome]… I’m not talking about “productivity” of dogs, but Humans, so that when menkind finally develop (and lo do we all try) this rare talent, we will have the toolkit…. er… the skills to follow your doggie lead, into the bright and warm sunshine of yen without so much yang.

  3. T123420 permalink
    November 17, 2010 6:49 pm

    woof woof! how many rings do you wear on a paw right before you pop another dog in the jaw? 2 or 3? woof, and paw 2 paw you be my dog!

    • November 17, 2010 7:14 pm

      In spite of the misleading name, Boxers aren’t named for their “boxing” habits. Furthermore, as a being of peace I would never advocate “jaw-popping” or any act of violence against my fellow terrestrial inhabitants.

      • T123420 permalink
        November 17, 2010 7:30 pm

        Woof! Looks like we may have to agree to disagree on this one with our “boys” out on the table.
        How does one ride a bike with out squishing or sitting on their fellas?
        I don’t want to let another elephant lose there in the room but Woof Woof!!!

      • November 17, 2010 7:49 pm

        Well T, I wouldn’t know because I’ve been without “the fellas” since before I learned to ride a bike.

  4. Dave the busdriver permalink
    November 17, 2010 10:52 pm

    A bikeshop regular gets on my bus, dressed in resplendant regalia and we start discussing the relative merits of cartoon dogs. He weighs in heavily for Scooby Doo, trashing Marmaduke by the by, and entertains a busload of strangers by the sheer anomaly of the question, who is your favorite cartoon dog? I realize you are flesh and blood, as real as a three speed sturmey archer hub (and almost as silent, running) but who’s your fave?

    • November 18, 2010 11:33 am

      Perhaps a dark horse of sorts (or would it be dark dog?), but my vote always goes to Ren, the canine component of famous comedy duo Ren & Stimpy.

      Other famous “dogs” that have had a profound effect on my worldview include: Lassie, Spuds MacKenzie, and the entire Dogg Pound (Snoop Dogg, Nate Dogg, et al.)

  5. Dainty Daisy permalink
    November 18, 2010 11:06 am

    Oh, my dear hunk of a dog, my little beagle-mix heart is practically bouncing out of my chest with worship. Tell me, oh wise one, is it base and profane of me to want to cuddle up to you?

    • November 18, 2010 11:40 am

      All are welcome to worship at my altar/couch, and while I welcome the adoration of my followers they must always remember that it is not I who is to be worshipped. I am but a finger pointing to the moon, don’t concentrate on the finger or you will miss all that heavenly glory.

  6. November 22, 2010 4:08 pm

    have you seen this kung-fu bike fight video, basta?! pretty sure it is going to change your life. . .

  7. joe schmoe permalink
    November 28, 2010 12:08 am

    dear basta,
    where do babies come from?

    joe

    • November 30, 2010 10:55 am

      Well Joe,

      When two dogs love each other very much, and after they’ve decided to make their union legally binding and tax deductible, they may want to express their love in a physical way. Sometimes their love bears fruit, and this fruit is delivered by a bird from a cabbage patch filled with birds and bees.

      Baby humans, on the other hand, are the product of strategic husbandry. Before breeding humans, it is important to verify their fraternity/sorority registry in order to ensure predictable results. Mechanically, it’s simply a matter of combining one male and one female in a room with a couple cans of Four Loko and the complete Sade discography. Then just let nature take it’s course.

Trackbacks

  1. You ask, Basta listens. « Back Alley Bikes

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